i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
