So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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