I hate your face
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Randomize
