i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
