apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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