Can Purell be used as lube?
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Randomize
