well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
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