Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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