the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
