my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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