my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
ok first of all what the fuck
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
