My entire life is one complicated drinking game
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
