the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
