honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
