I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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