theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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