is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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