I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
