Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
my sisters under your porch take her home
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
