Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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