my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
