just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
