whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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