I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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