i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
