and you said cock pushups were impossible
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
zippers are such a cool invention
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
