yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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