I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
