Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
