and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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