So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
