I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
