someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
