I'm laying in your front yard are you home
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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