Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Bring me that man meat
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
