I am spending my child support on dildos
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
