That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
