I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
