like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
