don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I look excited, but its just a facade.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
