it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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