yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
