so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
My feet surprised me
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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