When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
