That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
