She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize