He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
