I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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