THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
