please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
