He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
