is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
it glows. i had to have it.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
